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Is God Real?

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I’ve grown up believing that God was an almighty being. Some kind of entity that could see, hear, and influence anything that he wanted to happen. I believed that when we prayed he heard those prayers. I believed that we were created in his image and when we die we would face him in some form. I believed that God was responsible for all the good in the world and sent his son in human form to save the world.

About ten years ago I sat down and questioned why I believed what I believed. Questions started to arise in my mind that I didn’t have answers for.
Why would a God entertain a prayer but not respond? If a God could do anything within the blink of an eye why was he allowing suffering to take place in the world? If “God created everything and everything that God created was good” then how could Satan exist?

I started to struggle with my beliefs. I started to question what the Church was really all about. I started to research the fundamentals of its teaching and soon came to realize that most of what I was taught to believe were lies; lies clouded in fear and control. I started to lose all faith and the transition from being a dedicated believer to a non-believer shocked every part of my being. Life became dark and meaningless and that feeling of feeling ‘safe’ was no longer present. Being scared to my core was an understatement.

I continued to live my life in this transition phase. Years of deep psychological torment went by and I slipped into the darkness of mental illness while depression was crippling me in every area of my life. Even if I had a small speck of faith left in me I lost it when I was struck with the hardest years of battling severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Depression. I constantly asked myself if there was a God out there then how could he allow a good kid to fall into the trap of a cycling mental illness.

Around the same time I was asked to be a part of some television work. In this television show I traveled all around being introduced to different Philosophers, Psychologists, and “Magick” experts. I listened to their thoughts on ‘reality’ and tried to analyze the best I could. I interviewed real live Witches, Quantum Physicists, and world-renowned energy healers. I soon came to realize that I was so absorbed in my own primitive way of thinking that I didn’t allow any other Religions or way of thinking change the way I thought about God.

This experience opened my eyes up to a world I didn’t know existed. I then became obsessed with studying different elements of Buddhism, Wicca, Voodoo, and re-visited elements of Christianity. I soon came to realize that my perception of these other major Religions were highly misunderstood over here in the West. Some of the teachings I was exposed to started to make sense to me and I started to realize that life could once again become beautiful if we suspended the belief that there is only ‘one way of thinking’.

I started to explore God in a different light. I started to understand that the second we try to explain what God is we limit God. I was searching deeper and deeper into the mysteries of the mind and how nature operated. As I continued to research and explore I opened my eyes up to many different rays of light. Being exposed to so many perceptions really shocked my core all over again. I realized that maybe there is something out there that I just didn’t understand. I realized that what I was taught to believe growing up actually made me limit an intelligence that we couldn’t begin to understand. After years of going through another deep transition phase I realized I do believe there is something out there; something that I cannot understand, but more importantly, something that I was quite content in not being able to understand.

We have one hundred trillion cells that make up the human body. Each and every single cell is doing six trillion things every single second. And every single cell knows exactly what every other cell is doing the second it does it to keep us alive. This is an inner intelligence we all have inside of us that we don’t control. It just ‘happens’. It’s the same inner intelligence that causes a tree to grow, a flower to bloom and the earth to spin on its axis.

Although I may not share my same belief in the Christian God I was raised to believe I do believe that there is some kind of intelligence beyond our comprehension.

I call this God.



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