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Cold Hard KITCH.

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Here’s what’s in the weather this week, from the Scene Magazine Comedy Affairs Desk.

Buffalo-in-Deep-Snow

The great city of Buffalo, New York (also known as “the Big Kielbasa”, “the Windy Sausage”, “Crappy Chicago” and “Detroit through Beer Goggles”) took a royal blue shit-pounding from the elements.

Here in Canada’s true capital city of Toronto, we’re enjoying moderate flurries whipping through the streets on a frigid North wind and ushering in a rather brutal deep freeze which can only be described as “existence hatening”. It is in fact colder than a Wizard’s crooked penis out there (I’ve taken it upon myself to update that antiquated “Witch’s Titty” colloquialism that you disgusting macho pigs have been spouting out of your fat, beer-filled, rib-sauce smeared faces for years!)

In other news, Will Smith’s children, in a feat of “Wes Anderson couldn’t write us to be this precocious if he tried” revealed their innermost hyper-evolved  thetans. Conducting a dual interview in character as a chain-smoking 1960s French character actor named “Duceppe” and a Hentai version of Donnie Darko’s Frank the Rabbit named “Carrotz” – they mocked our pedestrian views on juvenile concepts such as the perception of time, and the futile pursuit of artistic purity. They introduced our palettes to a spice of musical achievement so many kelvin units innovative that our ear-tongues know not even how to comprehend to the shock of it all. 

Willow and Jaden Smith

 

In showbiz news, America’s favorite cult figurehead and Beatles lyric Charles Manson proved that love knows no age, list of capital felonies, or even literal physical bounds, apparently. Old Charlie is back up to his old tricks – seducing mousy young brunettes in their mid 20s who look like they may have pulled a head off the Barbie or two, dreaming of the big day…

Charlies Manson fiance

Here on the comedy front, crowd-charming wunderkind of the golden Canadian west (whoa, is my Kerouac showing?) Michael Harrison made the Yuk Yuk’s pick for ‘Comic of the Week’. Joining the esteemed ranks of… actually, I didn’t have the chance to research it at the time of writing. BUT, Breslin’s a smart kid. I’m sure he knows what he’s doing! Besides, you just try not to let your guard down when you’ve got these steel blues staring right back at you…

Harrison 

And of course, that brings us to our comedy coup de gras this week.

KITCH Komedy (229 Geary Ave) is back with the usual weekly installment of Pro/Am standup with no cover. Yup, just kick back and wrap your sweet lips around plate after plate of Bloordale’s best Goddamn nachos, get a good healthy glow on, and kick back for another shit-kicker lineup of cross-Canadian crowd killers, featuring Toronto’s funniest motherchucklers. And yes, even a KITCH Komedy virgin ‘er two tossed to the drunken lions of Wallace Emerson. It all floweth according to the whim of the great bucket!

Our show os shows kicks off EVERY Thursday at 9. Yes, it’s the city’s best Pro/Am standup on a Thursday night sans the cover.

This week we feature CHRIS ROBERTS JASON GRACEY CATHRYN NAIKER AMY CUNNINGHAM AL VAL HELDER BRUM… and yes, more than likely MIKEY (as above)  

KITCH


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