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OPEN Relationship -GOOD or BAD?

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Dear Karen,

My boyfriend wants to have an open relationship.   I told him that I want it too, but honestly I want only him.  We’ve been together for a year and it’s been amazing. He has commitment issues, his ex burned him pretty bad.    He wasn’t sure about the relationship with me, but when I told him I was ok with an open relationship, he decided to stay.

He seems to be coming back more and more since I gave him that freedom. Am I hurting myself?  Cause honestly I don’t really care if he want’s to have fun ( I can have fun too) I just miss him and I want him and I’m willing to do whatever it takes. If this is what he wants I’m ok with it.  But my question is this:

Should I get over him or play the game until it pays off?

Thank you,
Brenda L.



Dear Brenda L:

I think it’s clear that you really don’t want an open relationship, and you are only going along with this situation in order for your boyfriend to remain in your life. To me, anyone who agrees to this form of “negotiated cheating” is the epitome of someone who is insecure and who does not want to be alone.

An open relationship defeats the purpose of being in a real relationship – the kind that is based on mutual commitment, respect and love. I just don’t buy the whole, “he’s coming home to me afterwards” mentality. He’s not respecting you if he’s humping around with other women. And without trust and respect, you don’t have anything.

He wants all the benefits of a secure relationship, but he also wants to be able to do what he wants, when he wants, with whom he wants.

If he truly cared about you and was in love with you, he would not want to have sex with other people — YOU would be enough. And, besides, what kind of man lets other men have sex with his woman? I’ll tell you straight…A man who doesn’t care about his woman!

You are treading on dangerous ground in terms of this whole open relationship thing.
I am concerned that if you remain in this situation, you will end up being miserable and heart broken when he decides to leave you for someone else, which will eventually happen.
This game as you call it will never pay off. My advice would be to ditch the guy and move on.